marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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