Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
