It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
