i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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