we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
