I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
