We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
