he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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