Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
