Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
