i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
