I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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