Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
