So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
