this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
