i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
