just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
