he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
