I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
