Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
