My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You dont lie about slip and slides
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
