escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
