Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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