I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I think people are normalizing furries
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
