there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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