make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
