There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
