If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
