that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize