Barsexuality is the new black.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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