Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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