Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
