Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
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I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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