You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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