You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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