...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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