just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
