News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
