Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
