You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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