I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
