I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
