He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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