Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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