What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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