you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
