Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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