I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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