I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
