By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
