I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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