you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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