Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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