I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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