I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
