My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
