Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
