I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
