I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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